New Me

I suffer from false guilt. I played games with cartoony graphics since I was a kid. Never stopped playing em. Never thought there was a reason to

I played games with realistic graphics as well. I never saw the difference. It was all just games to me. But when I spoke about spiritfarer and everyone went crazy I realised that's not the style of game that would suit me

I only got a PS4 a few years ago. I haven't played it much. I played borderlands. The new final fantasy 7 and final fantasy 15. But I also played some cartoony ones

Before the PS4 the last console I had was a PS2 in my teens and the last game I played was final fantasy ten. My main memories though are from the years before that on PS1 and megadrive. So I thought there was nothing unusual about buying a new game called world of final fantasy which reminded me of final fantasy 7. That was the best game I ever played and the fave game of me and all my mates

Dexter's Lab. Pokémon. Kingdom Hearts. World of Final Fantasy. I didn't see anything unusual about the art style and didn't think my age made a difference

But after folks reacted to spiritfarer I didn't want them reacting to that as well. I thought it would be embarrassing if I get a girlfriend and they see what games I played

I also played monster boy and the cursed kingdom which I was embarrassed about. I played it because wonder boy 3 the dragon's trap was my favourite childhood game

So because I had played these games recently I felt false guilt and panicked. I wanted a new me for the future as a dad and hubby and a fresh start for my new life with my queens

But how could I have a fresh start and a new mature me if I got world of final fantasy as the first game I played? The only way was to break my playstation and create a new account playing only realistic graphic games

I'm sure a lotta cartoony fans have the same issue. Maybe we should stand up for comic pride and show folks there's nothing wrong with it? Or accept it's not the fashion now for adults so we gotta move on with the times? What you guys reckon? Is the cartoon style silly or a valid expression of art?

I didn't delete my account. So I can log in on a different system to show my queens. False guilt makes you act like real guilt. If I think someone is thinking something bad of me I try to remove the thing that would be making them think it

I thought the cartoony games might make folk think bad of me. So I broke my PlayStation. It sounds crazy and maybe it is but it was just false guilt. Same as always. Mist was doing housework at the time. She said what am I doing. I said it's childish and want a fresh start for my gf. She sighed and said alright

I wrote this letter before lunch yesterday and thought that was all. Then some lovely fellows kindly pointed out one of the girls I once dated had a slim figure a bit like some of the animé girls you sometimes see. They was wondering if that's why I watch animé and if that's the reason I dated her at all

The answer is no and no. I think I like animé because the facial expressions are easier to understand than real people maybe. I dunno. Soon as I saw the Streetfigter II animé I was a fan. They were doing martial arts drawing blood and swearing! I was ten and it was the coolest most amazing thing I had ever seen! I have loved animé ever since

What about the girl. Why the girl? I was truffled. When truffed I'll dance with anyone. I've had fun with all kinds of guys and gals of all shapes and sizes

I never gone looking for a certain type. Never been that fussy. I'm easy come easy go with whoever. I'm eclectic I guess is the best way to describe my taste

How did we meet? She spoke to me. I was friends with her friends. She asked me on a date and that's how we met. She wanted to move fast but I'm really slow and more into partying than dating. So we didn't do anything. Just truffed till the next day with a bunch of other trufflers

It's usual for her to date the well known different members of the crew on different days. So when her bf asked what we had been upto she said nothing meaning nothing outta the ordinary

But as my social skills were rusty and awkward being autistic I said no tell him. I meant tell him she asked me on a date and we spent the night on truffles

She just wanted me to buy more for her and her crew. So she hugged me a couple times to encourage me to buy more. Her bf knows what she is like and don't care

I felt the same joy with her I felt with her bf and all the guys in her crew. It's like one big happy fam really. Even he said I was his cousin and we slept in the same bed before. So there's nothing I did with her I didn't also do with him. We was all just friends

I had fun with her and the crew so went back and saw the guys again the next night or a few nights later can't remember. I didn't seek her out just the guys and she just happened to be there so we all went out together again as a group. Her boyfriend wasn't there that time. Just some other guys and she was dating a different guy that night. She's like that

She has one boyfriend but dates other guys on the side. Her boyfriend knows so there was no problem and nothing unusual going on. He has his own business to attend to when she's not with him

I was perfectly happy with the situation and having fun all night till the truffle supply ran out. Then we was asleep in the living room. I woke up and it was just me on one couch and her on the other

I had basically ignored her all night till now as I was busy truffling with the other guys doing magic tricks rapping wrestling and talking politics as you do. But now I was bored and wanted to ask her if she wanted to get more truffles with me. But I felt like she was mildly annoyed I had ignored her all night instead of asking her for dates

So to show her I liked her as a person I said let's make it a date. The normal sort of fun truffle date she always goes on and her boyfriend knows about. But it was so late it was early. I was sleep deprived and truffled. I'm autistic and lack social skills. So the way I asked was maybe not the way most guys normally ask her

It was logical to me. I thought she wanted to feel liked by me because she is used to getting that kind of attention from everyone. So I said I liked her. Also the other guy was asleep upstairs and I didn't have much money left so I whispered it. She didn't respond but was just laying there and I sensed she could hear me. So being autistic I went into Penny knock knock mode about it

I see now that might seem a bit pushy but was really just a genuine lack of grasping social rules. She wasn't answering so I assumed she didn't understand what I was saying so I kept repeating myself waiting for her answer

As when someone doesn't understand I was taught to repeat myself. So I kept repeating myself till the other guy came downstairs. By then the truffles had worn off so I told them I love them BOTH like I always tell everyone and went home

Money was dwindling and I still felt like I had mildly insulted her by not paying her the usual attention. I didn't wanna meet with the guys again as buying everyone truffles is a cash drain. I was nearing the end of my wild binge week so thought I'd just go out with her this time

I was still totally truffled and forgot to get her number so wrote her a quick letter instead telling her to call me. Being a poet I guess I wrote it a bit more stylish than a usual letter and signed it all my love

That signature is what everyone in my fam always wrote in letters. My nan mum and sis all signed letters like that and they raised me as a kid more than my dad so that's the style I adopted. I always tell everyone I love them I'm friendly

So the letter was just me looking for a cheap truffle session with one person instead of many. She was the obvious choice for a truffle chum at that moment. I already went out with the other guy just me and him. Went out with the group twice as well. The only one left really was her. She didn't reply to the letter though so I went truffling elsewhere. Then my dough ran out so I didn't truffle again for months and went back to my studies

I didn't realise till weeks later when I'd sobered up that her boyfriend got suspicious because of the letter and the awkward way I said tell him when she said nothing happened

He called me but I was sober. I had no social skills when sober and felt unwell and really wasn't up for talking to anyone so just ignored the calls and thought if I just keep my distance he'll see I was just drunk waffling

So there was nothing suspicious about any of it. It was just my week's holiday off work spent getting truffled with a bunch of folks who now I think about it probably have ADHD like me which is why we get on fairly easy and love truffles

Someone else pointed out I made friends with some skinny guys recently. Well again that's just coincidence. I'll make friends with anyone. I don't judge people by their weight