The Holy Name

Last night I was thinking of my ladies. Should I still be chasing both, or just one? I had a moment with Elly. Then saw Stella looking glum. So spoke to her, as El has chosen both of them. But felt a pang of guilt. Am I doing the right thing, Don? I prayed. I was praying this when midnight chimed. So I looked at the new verse, knowing El would provide an answer:

"Celebrate and worship his holy name with all your heart." (1 Chronicles 16:10)

Yes! Right away I thought, Elly has been chosen. She has shown more warmth and faith. Now I must love her with all my heart. So I started writing her a letter. Bubbling with excitement. About how El had given her his name, not Stella...

Not... stELla. St El La. St Ella???? By holy heavenly Christ above! El gave his name to you as well 😲...

..."Celebrate and worship his holy NAME with all your heart." (1 Chronicles 16:10)...

😲... El... You are the Lord! So Stella and Elly. You both have the name and blessing of the Lord. Unbelievable. See?

Yet the ref says, though one of you is indeed the lucky 16 birthday present I was born for. I can only have one of you, and the choice is not even mine. It's yours and El's. You both must flaunt your virtues. El, who named you, will pick the winner. If you're both good, he will honour you both somehow. But I'm only allowed one of you. It's what the ref tells us today. The word Chronicles denotes time. So El wants us all going steady 7s at this, at following him. Plus one of you as my eventual wife, and queen of his holy nation

The verse says celebrate his name. I can celebrate as I get a wife named after him! I also get to date you both, if you're willing, and spend time with two amazing ladies! Maybe we'll do some threesome dates as well. No love of course, just friends till engagement day. Then we can move on to holding hands.

The verse also says worship his holy name. As both of you are called El, it means either of you can be my wife, and I can worship you. So you will be my goddess in human form. The Spirit of El will live within you, and you will even carry his name. The Bible says treat people as well as you would treat God, because God lives in everyone. Especially your wife. So you get to be my goddess. I will worship you by staying loyal and treating you to a wonderful life.

Finally the verse says with all my heart. We know the most important command is love God with all your heart. That includes everything God gives you in life, including your wife. So I will devote my full attention to you. But for now I have to give equal attention to both, assuming you both give me equal attention. Naturally if one is more attentive, she'll get more attention in return.

Todays verse reminds me of a favourite hymn. Plus it gives me a chance to talk about monks. One of my passions. I'm a monk by trade. So if you wanna live with me, we'll have a ball doing monk stuff. Look, this is the sort of thing monks get upto in their spare time:

Fancy a bit of that with me? Come visit. Itta be a date. More than a date, the start of a whole new life. The servants of El. We'll probably have more fun than monks, mind you. But then monks have more fun than you think! I don't suppose you're very musical, Elly, but that's fine. It means El has chosen you for different reasons. I can play vid games with you instead, and I'm sure you can singalong sometimes, even if quietly. You're both named after El now, so live up to the names he's given you, and train to be princesses of IsraEL. Two potential queens he's chosen, both with his name and the name of the Holy Land, splendid! Can you not see heaven at work here, ladies? Have faith and follow the signs with me. With heaven on your side, you don't need to worry about anything anymore. We'll lead the whole world to peace. Such is heaven's desire.