What I said looks kinda gay but wasn't. No innuendo intended. What I wrote wasn't what I planned to say to him of my own accord. All I was doing is improvving in order to socialise. He said my sunshine gives life. So I said his words are seeds all over my page. I was just thinking of my TikTok page like a farmfield. I see now it could be mistaken for sexual innuendo. But that's not how I meant it
I thought he was feeling unappreciated. That's why I elaborated about the seeds to make him feel more noticed and appreciated. I didn't realise it might have a second innuendo meaning till after I posted it. Then I just hoped he wouldn't notice or focus on that meaning. As I don't normally. Not till I start speaking to someone. When I'm alone I just speak to heaven in virtuous ways. So I forget all about sin. Then when I speak to people I'm always surprised and confused when they start meaning different things than what I normally talk about with heaven
I never have any cruel or sexual intentions in my mind. The waitress bowled me over emotionally. And I looked up to heaven five minutes after leaving. Just surprised by how she had just acted and how it made me feel. But it was just reaction. I didn't go there intending to flirt and didn't intend going back to flirt either. I was just swept away by the situation. It was not premeditated
I never plan such things. I just respond to what's happening. Even the long love I was on about was only me responding to Stella's disinterest. Thinking it's why she was disinterested and was what I had to say to win her over. I didn't approach her with that intention in mind. I never have intentions like that in mind. All I want is a female companion. A life partner. Someone to raise kids with me. It's nothing to do with sex for me. I just play that part to try to make her happy. But maybe she just don't know the joy of celibacy. That is something I do intend to teach her. That is something I have planned.
I acted a bit gay with Henny but didn't mean to. What I said may look rather gay on paper but it was just words. In real life it's not the real me. I act gay sometimes in real life but again it's just an act. Many times people have mistaken me for gay or a thug because of how I act. Maybe Tupac was just acting tough as well like Jack Sparrow. But wasn't tough really and someone took it the wrong way and gunned him down
Easy mistake to make. If he is such a good actor and acts on the street instead of the stage someone easily could mistake him for a genuine threat and strike out like stingrays at Steve Irwin. Tupac tattooed Thug Life on his belly. It seemed so real. But maybe he was just a chameleon like me. Trying to fit in with a criminal world. I say this because to listen to his words he don't sound like a thug at all. He sounds sweet and religious like me. So I don't think it was the real him. I know he committed some petty crimes. But maybe he was just like a cop deep under cover who had to snort some drugs to stay hidden
Maybe Henny was just acting too. But in what way? Was he a good guy acting bad like me and Pac? Just to fit in with the gossers? Or a bad guy acting good just to trick me for the gossers? Or a good guy acting like a bad guy acting good? A double agent. I do not know. All I know is the way he acted last night was a gift of rejection sent by heaven that made me write this letter
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